November
by obiphil
Summary: Jack's reflection after the show down. Picks up from the last scene that Ennis and Jack are together in the movie. AUish. My tiny attempt to tweak the movie up a beat or two.


6

**November**

**(A Brokeback Mountain Fanfiction)**

By Obiphil

Disclaimer :

Ennis Del Mar, Jack Twist and the Brokeback Mountain Universe belong to Annie Proulx and Universal Studio. I am just sneaking into their backyard to play for a little bit. No infringement of rights intended whatsoever. I am so moonstruck over the boys and their love that I am compelled to scribble about them. I am a talentless nobody. Don't send your lawyers after me. I have a tendency to bite when cornered.

Author's note :

Jack's reflection after their show down. Takes up from the last scene that Ennis and Jack are together in the movie. And let me say this up front. In my universe, tire iron won't be invented for another 50 years. So no one dies from it. This is not relevant to this piece but it would matter if I come around to writing further follow-ons.

Warnings : none

Rated : G

Category : Hurt and romance

Characters : Jack and Ennis

Jack's stomach clenched up as the pick-up neared the turn. He knew once it made the turn, it'd be out of his sight. Reflexively, his fingers curled into tight fists to brace himself for the difficult moment. He knew the pang would hit him. It always did. That sharp stab of panic loneliness, of being torn from his other half, of overwhelming fear that this might be the last time, never failed to strike over the course of nearly twenty years. It invariably came when Ennis finally disappeared from sight after they parted ways at the end of their gatherings.

The pick-up lumbered past the turn.

A jagged pain whipped through his guts. It was even worse than usual this time. His mind's insistence on jumping to the treasured memory of that dozy embrace all those years back on Brokeback didn't help at all. But the worst part was, aside from sorrow and yearnings that he and Ennis had been so used to each time they parted over the years, there was something else coloring this parting. A sour and bitter aftertaste.

Their shouting match. His flipping out totally. The frustration and anger in him that became incandescent. Shocking tears from Ennis. The strong, silent one between them broken so abruptly and decisively. Ennis' raging jealousy. The two of them tangled up in a messy embrace on the ground.

What a show down. No, meltdown. Jack corrected himself mentally with a sad, wry grin.

His hand pressing on his tummy which seemed to burn with acid now, Jack climbed heavily into the driver seat of his pick-up. He tried to reach for his key and then decided to just give the fuck up. Totally drained and immersed in an ever sinking sense of powerlessness, he was in no mood to begin a fourteen hour drive. With a barely audible moan which sounded a lot like a sigh, he slumped onto the steering wheel. He was just so god damn tired. He was pushing on grand forty for god's sake. He was getting too old for this.

"Damn you, Ennis Del Mar, you fucking sonofabitch!" Jack slammed a fist down on the front panel of the pick-up. Frustration and resentment at the ever recalcitrant object of his love welling up. It was moments like this one when Jack was hard pressed to tell whether he hated or loved Ennis more.

"And damn you, Jack fucking Twist, what was you thinkin, goin after him like that!" Jack covered his face with his hands terrified that for sure, he had screwed up good this time. He had finally pushed Ennis away. November was no August. Another three fucking months of painful wait. It was a huge blow. And Ennis had been so god damn callus about it. He had every right to be bitterly disappointed. But it was not never again, either. What was three more months of miserable love sickness if the alternative was the unthinkable prospect of losing the only man, the only person he had ever truly loved. Did he really have to blow up like that? Did he really have to pick that one moment, after nearly twenty years, to bare all and fairly spit out things hitherto unsaid and unsayable? Did he really have to spill Ennis' blood with his angry words?

At that thought, Jack was whooshed back to that time when Ennis and him had been called by Aguirre to come down from Brokeback. He had tried to horse around with Ennis using his lariat rope and ended up accidentally kneeing Ennis in his face bloodying his nose. A wave of bittersweet ache and tenderness swept over him as he thought of two blood stained shirts hung clandestinely somewhere no other soul knew about.

A faint smile tugged at Jack's mouth.

He took a deep breath.

"Ennis, you'll be the death of me one of them days." Jack whispered to himself as he shook his head wearily.

Deep down, he knew the answers to all his "did he really have to" questions. He knew sooner or later the show down would happen. It was inevitable. All them years of pent up frustrations and unanswered longings would have to spill over some day. If not this time, then the next. May be after nearly twenty years, it was time to finally let it all out. He had always been the needy one, always keen to make things happen and push things to another stage. Ennis had been the one cast in stone, all clenched up and wary over the smallest changes. That would have to be a pairing made for pyrotechnics, not long term love affair. Certainly not one lasting twenty years. It was no small miracle that the show down came only after such a long time.

Twenty years.

"We didn't do too poorly, huh, cowboy." A small smile blossomed on Jack's face. It was a tribute to the resilience of the love between them that they had managed this long term liaison in the toughest of circumstances. Everything around them was against their being together. They had no one but each other. Them against the world. And yet they had nearly twenty years of being in love under their belt and counting. Counting? Only if there was November. Jack reminded himself darkly.

Those were amazing and difficult years all at the same time. The damn few times they were together offset by their determination to make each time, and for that matter, each second counted. And counted it did. They were completely in synch saved the external pressures and that one darnest question, "will you do it?". As long as they steered absolutely clear of the no-go subject of them settling down together, their connection was uncanny. Words seemed superfluous. There was love and respect between them. And the mountains agreed, in whose embrace they were safe, at peace and free. And when they did get around to talking, they had shown each other rapport and understanding. Of course, the sex had always been good. White hot and rough with blinding pleasure when they were younger, and gentler, more thoughtful and giving to each other as they grew older. Whatever form it took, loving between them had never been anything less than a great source of joy for them both, something they intensely looked forward to, something that anchored the deep bond they had with each other. If anything, their love and passion grew instead of dimmed as time went by.

"I know you love me, Ennis, you god damn sonofabitch, though you'd sooner swallow horseshit than say it." Jack narrowed his eyes feeling a little pride at what he had with Ennis. Ennis Del Mar, this immensely strong cowboy of few words had loved him for twenty years. This classic specimen of machismo who held damn near everything inside with brute force had a tender, loving side to him that had been shown to Jack countless times over the past twenty years. Ennis had this infuriatingly straight faced way of showing his love. Completely unobtrusive, which made the object of his loving attention that much more moved and flattered. And Ennis had been like this right from the beginning. It was just his nature to love and care for those dear to him in his own quiet, cryptic way. Jack never had to ask why he found Ennis irresistible, the guy's many character flaws not withstanding. This was one of the reasons. "You may be the biggest asshole in Wyoming, cowboy, but you've always look'd out for me." With that whispered, Jack recalled fondly how Ennis gallantly switched duties with him up on Brokeback just so he could stay at the base camp and had a good night sleep.

"No!" Teeth gritting, Jack growled. No. He'd be damned if he allowed things to waste away like that simply because of one show down. All that reflection reminded him afresh that what he had with Ennis was special. Precious in fact. What they didn't have in numbers, they more than made up for in the quality time that they had. How many couples connected the way he and Ennis did? Jack had been around married couples long enough to know the answer. How many couples could boast of twenty years of unwavering love and passion? That was a terrible thing to throw away. Jack realized anew. So it was up to him now. When it came to Ennis and him, he had always been the one to make things happen. August be damned. If keeping his love meant they had to wait til fucking November, so be it. There would be long, lonely, cold, hard months ahead to suffer. But Ennis was worth it.

Jack felt energized by his renewed resolve. His mind began to gravitate towards brighter thoughts.

And weren't there encouraging signs even when they were yelling at each other? Ennis was so consumed with jealousy at the mention of Mexico. That was a first time. And that was a revelation. How the mighty cowboy had fallen. A small sadistic pleasure stirred in Jack and a tiny smile quirked his mouth. The inscrutable and mighty Ennis Del Mar finally cracked up and showed a little jealousy. Ennis admitted that he wanted him all to himself. Ennis wasn't about to share him with anyone. Possessiveness. Always a good sign. And what about what Ennis said when they were embracing in a heap on the ground? What were those words? "Jack, I can't stand it anymore." In tears, Ennis kept muttering them. Another good sign. Ennis always said if you couldn't fix it, you had to stand it. Now, Ennis couldn't stand it anymore. Did that mean he would quit or fix it?

"Fix it if I got anything to do with it!"

Determination blazing from his eyes, Jack Twist jabbed the key into the ignition slot, stepped on the gas mightily and burned rubber as he fast rode his pick-up onto the main road. His mind was made up. There was only one word on it.

November.

-END-


End file.
